12 Aug 2012

Shaken and stirred

I look around and try to read their faces. They're giving nothing away. I'm ready to burst. I'd like to call a friend, or buy somebody a drink, just to talk. How do these people practise silence with such calm? They're not even reading a magazine, or pretending to follow the soap on the television mounted to the wall. They're just staring straight ahead, their gazes so fixed I wonder if they can see through the wall and into the room of the doctor we're all waiting to consult.

This is my third doctor this month. This one's a good egg, the best. He's known as a sharp shooter; no sugar-coating or expensive prescriptions. He's the extra round all the really professional assassins fire into a corpse, to make sure it's really dead. If you don't believe the other quacks, if you think this just cannot be happening to somebody your age, someone as careful as you are, someone so nice, you go to him. He'll tell you it's true, and you'll believe it. His job is to strip you off all sense of entitlement, and he does so with grace.

He holds in his hands detailed reports on the composition, deficiencies and excesses of my urine, blood, fecal matter. I'm cold in the gown the orderly helped me into, but I'm also sporting an erection. It's more intimate than you'd think, having someone study your soul so clinically. He goes over every little detail, his forehead furrowed in concentration. He looks like a washed up Daniel Craig, with a sort of nerdy muscularity that I know women find attractive. I'd like him to punch me repeatedly in the face, just to see if I can take it.

"I'm sorry," he says, "this is rare in somebody your age."
It's real. It's really real.
"Is there anything you can do?" I still have faith in Craig.
"'Fraid not," he says lightly, breezily, "this is the end. You've simply run out of words."

           Icy Highs's Music Recco: "The Frontman" by Madrugada (The Nightly Disease)


Revacious said...

Lol. It's funny how so many writers seem to run out of words some time or the other. Hope they give the malaise a really fancy name.

icyHighs said...

Whaaat. You want a name? I'm hoping it's a temporary blip. Like a cold or something.

Sakshi Singh said...

What are we here reading about?
Running out of words,something's harmful? Or anything. I don't know why I connected to this. I want to know. And no in person we know anything,I am worried. :-/
I read it twice,didn't get it still.

Sarge said...

Quit fucking around and publish a book that will make you a lot of
Son. yo have talent - damn it! Use it.


Windsmoke. said...

Sounds like your numbers up or will be very shortly.

Workingdan said...

I would normally have a witty comment but this one is over my head!

Sounds like writers block, but the erection has me confused!

Anonymous said...

lol yeah the erection had me confused too.


icyHighs said...

Hey Sakshi, nothing to worry about, just a bit of writers block drama. Thanks.

Sarge, my novel's coming out next April - you realize you've just committed yourself to buying a copy? Haha.

Dan & Anonymous, I always have an erection. I think it might be a disease.

Sakshi Singh said...

I read it over with the comments. And I get it clear. You write well too much.

austere said...

Oh well.

Pink Gingham Girl said...

You had me for a bit, icy. Well played, sir.

goatman said...

Yeah right . . . out of words indeed. Something will happen, or occur, to bum you out and then it'll be word city again. You watch.

I like the tune. I will save it.

Anonymous said...

i'm crushing on you.

icyHighs said...

that's sweet, but i'm taken.

icyHighs said...

Pink, long time no see. Hope you're killing it at gainful-employment land.

Goatman, love that tune dude. They have some pretty good stuff if you want to check them out.

Terra Shield said...

Had to read the comments to get an idea on what this is about, but for someone with writers block, this was pretty good. Perhaps it brings out a different side to your writing.

Katy Anders said...

In "The Western Lands" (I think), William Burroughs writes "The old writer couldn’t write anymore because he had reached the end of words, the end of what can be done with words."

Burroughs was pretty old when he wrote those words.

I always approach it two ways: 1) I take breaks from writing to get more material!; and 2) I don't rely on my style or words from any time before.

The erection, from my understanding, is only a problem if it lasts for more than 4 hours.

red dirt girl said...


I really needed a laugh, today.

This certain happiness won't last forever ... your words will return. Smell the roses while you have a chance.


icyHighs said...

Thanks for reading you guys. Katy, that's an awesome quote. Though how you manage to not rely on your earlier style or words is both baffling and commendable. I keep getting the feeling I'm mining the same damn thing over and over. Need to work on it. More experiences, maybe.

Red, good to see you homie :)