2 May 2012

The Uncle Trap

Today's been a day of discoveries of EPIC proportions. Firstly, I found out that my niblings think I'm a human-sized rodent in a human suit. Secondly, a little less than five minutes ago, I discovered that there's a collective, gender-neutral term for 'the children of one's siblings': yup, it's NIBLINGS! Told you, epic stuff. Here's how it all went down.

As some of you may know, my nephew and niece are spending the summer at my parents' house. I beached up on their doorstep a little before my niblings did, entitled brat that I am, to pursue my lifelong ambition of gainful unemployment and partaking-of-free-meals. And the little business of writing. So far, so good.

Now much as I love my niblings, I don't particularly care for children. This leaves me in a love-hate existential conundrum whenever I spend more than five minutes with them. The initial burst of affection for my flesh and blood (in a manner of speaking) quickly gives way to the more familiar loathing of our pint-sized brethren, and their disdain for Adult words.

To be fair, their presence does not in any way affect my lifestyle as I spend my days locked up in my room any way, my fingers a whirl of type-and-delete. I only ever step out and interact with the rest of the world at mealtimes, and that too only to load my plate and haul it back to the mothership.

Of course, every so often I hear them chattering outside my door and go out and play the benevolent uncle: a game of hide and seek, or maybe a drive to the pastry shop in town. But these occasions are utilitarian -they have a defined purpose- and therefore exert no conversational stress on any of the parties involved.

Little did I know that my niblings were quite taken by these spontaneous visits of mine to their world, and had asked Mom how best to coax me out more often. Neither did I know that they had taken her throwaway remark rather seriously, and decided to act on it.

So I open my door this afternoon, and find a big bowl of melted ice cream, a cherry and a chocolate wafer floating in the mess, and two pairs of eyes watching my every move from behind the couch. I walk past them, casual as a cucumber, push one end of the couch into the wall with a Bournesque flourish, and demand an explanation.

They crack like eggs. They sell the other down the river in their desperation for lenience but they're both guilty as sin, the jittery juveniles. They even try to take Mom down with them. As it turns out, she had told them- in jest no doubt- that their uncle would only ever be tempted out of his room by the promise of a good meal.

This little nugget of wisdom, coupled with their experience of setting mousetraps in the storeroom with my Dad last week, had somehow snowballed into the masterplan to leave a bowl of ice cream under my door to lure me out, like a common rodent. Presumably, they intended to pop a bucket over my head once I was suitably distracted.  

                                          Icy Highs's Video Recco
                                    'The Mouse Trap' scene from Tom and Jerry



Workingdan said...

I could watch Tom and Jerry all day long...my favorite!

I remember doing similar things as a kid, trying to gain the attention of my favorite uncle.

My kids even pull the same stuff on me. I just go along with it but sometimes it's hard to hide the fact that I know exactly what they are up to.

Helena said...

Bless you and your niblings... I've just had the shittiest day in yonks and you've managed to put a HUGE smile on my face (before I toddle off to the land of nod) and restored my faith in this nice and niblingy human race.....!! Life ain't too bad, is it??

Windsmoke. said...

Pesky critters those niblings :-).

Sarge said...

Are you looking for employment? I am waiting to get all settled in before a unload a foot in my nephew's ass. I will help him get a job and even let him live here free - until he gets solvent.
But, his ass will work!

Icy, it is about self-pride.




meandmythinkingcap said...

LMAO- so cute and your niblings are so cute. So, your are sold for a bowl of icecream? Pretty cheap if you ask me.
And Tom and Jerry Rube Goldberg machine reference. So darn cute.
"Kids - you cant live with them, you cant live without them "
(I know this is not what John Gary said..)

The Angry Lurker said...

It worked though but niblings can't keep secrets!

Bart said...

niblings eh... sounds legit.

goatman said...

We may each be considered common rodents in the eyes of the kids -- and some others also.
But think how dull life would be without the distraction, and something to write about. You would have to go out into the world for inspiration -- wait, you have already been out into the world!

ashok said...

sounds good 'niblings'!

Revacious said...

Hilarious! XD
The important question: did you have the icecream?

Shrinky said...

Awww, you are truly loved, you know - annoyingly so, agreed. But loved, nonetheless (still grinning).

"Nibblings", love it, I'm gonna' add this to my vocabulary!

Celestial Dreamz said...

I am glad I came to your blog ... just enjoyed reading your post. :)

icyHighs said...

Thanks very much for reading, guys.