28 Feb 2012

Let's hear it for suicide

It's a shame that suicide has such a bad name, that it's considered the cowardly way out. If women and homosexuals and transgender types can all (rightfully) fight for equality and respect, why can't the suicidal? Some people are good at life, some are not. Just like some like their wine red, others white. Why the hypocrisy in accepting people as they are? I just want to leave with my held high, with the grace of one who has made an intelligent decision. I shouldn't have to up and leave without saying goodbye, to steal away in the night. 


If people can renounce gym memberships and citizenship, they should be able to cancel their subscription to Life & Co without penalty. There should of course be some sort of franchising arrangement. A nine year-old shouldn't be able to make the decision to kill himself, I agree. How about sixteen, or eighteen? If you're old enough to drive, to buy cigarettes, to give life without judgement, you're old enough to take your own in peace. I'm twenty seven, and I want nothing more than to Exit Stage. I'd like to have my family around, email my friends and acquaintances and generally have one last goodbye. I understand some of them might miss me, or mourn me, but I should be able to inform them of my decision without being forcefully institutionalized


What suicide needs is a good PR campaign. Create a Facebook page, a Twitter hashtag. Get corporate cheerleaders on board, and we might just see a new dawn of respect for the circumspect. The commercial possibilities are endless. McDonalds could film my last Big Mac, and put it up on Youtube.  "One for the road," I'd cheerfully declare. Or I could take a sip of my favourite beverage, put down my can, and say "ooh, this Coke is to die for" before putting a bullet in my head. It'd be a fantastic way to create awareness that the suicidal are people too. You consume, we consume. We've just consumed enough. 


It could give rise to a whole new industry in these recession-struck times. Fun ways to die! Choose a death that says something about your personality! Get shot out of a cannon, or swim with piranhas for 500 bucks. Who hasn't wanted to do that? Go one-on-one with Mike Tyson, or fly a plane into ... no wait, that one's just morbid. Vegas could prop up it's dwindling marriage market with a line of pop culture-referencing suicide options. Elvis could chop you a line laced with Anthrax, or you could email Keyser Söze and tell him the whole thing was really quite predictable. 


I hate to say this, but the easiest way to make suicide the new Normal might be to get Zooey Deschanel involved. Some of you may already be familiar with how I feel about Zooey. But why not? It's for a good cause, and Lord knows she's done enough to make zombies out of an entire generation. These kids are never getting their individuality back; the least she could do is sing a quirky suicide ditty that will inevitably go viral and give them all a way out when they need one. 


Till I can get her to pitch in, maybe the lot of you can spread the word. Promise me you'll cash your cheques when it's obvious there's no point waiting any longer. Call it quits the moment you realize there's no grand finale, no blaze of glory, that this is about as good as it gets. Let's not hang around once the party's over, that's just sad. And till you get there, have a "No Rest For The Depressed" badge on your blogs, or wear a "Suicide FTW!" teeshirt or something. Do something, you guys, or all this apathy is just going to kill you.      

Jim Carrey sings Jumper by Third Eye Blind to prevent a guy from committing suicide in Yes Man.




    

11 comments:

Pink Gingham Girl said...

At the risk of crashing one giant joke, I hope you wouldn't really do something to hurt yourself. This world would be severely lacking in people who use the word "Lilliputian."

icyhighs said...

Haha thanks, but it's hardly the kind of grand literary contribution one dreams of. Mere standing on the shoulders of giants, really. (Yes, I crack myself up.)

Shazaf said...

if you commit suicide, you'll cease to be fascinating. and no, it's not sexy. believe me. so no votes from me

icyhighs said...

Sexiness is over-rated Shazaf. Besides if I die young, you could always wonder about what could have been. Surely, nothing's more fascinating than could-have-beens.

A Beer for the Shower said...

As a writer of zombie novels, I think about this if the zombie apocalypse should ever happen. In shows like The Walking Dead they always stop people from committing suicide. No, please, don't! But if they're just going to hinder the group with their constant whining/depression, why not let them do it?

Helena said...

I admire your mind. There really is a lot of reason behind it.

As a mum, respecting the suicide choice of an offspring would be almost impossible, yet I'm all for euthanasia clinics and given the wish of a close loved one,(family or friend) I'd seriously consider helping end any terminal condition they may be suffering with.

Your blog is very interesting, young man. I shall call back!

goatman said...

Of course, you are dead for a very long time?

icyhighs said...

Whoa, a zombie novel writer, a mum and Goatman. Gotta love the kind spirits that wash up on these shores! Thanks all, and have a good Sunday. Icyhighs has just left the building... for a wee, that is. Not forever or anything.

Workingdan said...

I hear Dr. Kevorkian can help!

I for one, am not for suicide...but not entirely against it either, for reasons you stated above. I mean really, why hang around if the party is over?

Elephant's Child said...

Thank you for your visit to my blog. You and Snowbrush made me realise that I had been careless and not entirely honest, for which I am sorry. I don't think that all suicide is wrong. I do think that suicide as a solution for a 'temporary problem' is. Relationship difficulties leap to mind as one difficulty which usually falls into this category. There are however many, many reasons for suicidal ideation. Depression, terminal illness, no quality of life...
And there should be no stigma attached to suicide and it most certainly should never something which is hidden and/or taboo.

icyHighs said...

Thanks, Elephant Child, that's a very insightful and balanced take on the subject. For those who are interested, EC is a volunteer with Lifeline Australia, who do phenomenal work to help depressives and suicidal folk. She had recently blogged about the wonderful work they do here: http://myjustsostory.blogspot.in/2013/09/ru-ok.html#comment-form Do read!